raphael failed the school year in the summer of 1991, and because i was always the youngest in my grade level, we would be in the same grade level in 9th grade, in spite of the two and a half year age difference. he went to a parallel class, the same as marco zücker’s, and, yes, anja beusch. raphael finally became good buddies with marco (they hadn’t liked each other at all) and also had quite a lot of contact with anja. but i still did not get to know her, neither did i want to. and i had the bad idea of telling marco about my feelings for anja; he got me her birthday (i don’t know why, but i always used to like all sorts of dates) but found it kind of funny that i liked her. a month later he confessed that he himself had fallen in love with her. i was kind of mad, not because anything would ever materialize, but because it felt a little like an invasion into my little world. raphael would have never “done” anything like that. anyway, later that year, raphael finally settled on someone to like. it was anja’s younger sister, imke. no doubt we were an influence to each other, i guess not always the best influence, but still. 1991 was over, and i had survived it thanks to raphael and his great loyalty. 1991 was the year i grew too much, started with a quite impressive pimple career, started using glasses, lost friends i believed to be for real, and went from being popular to… not being popular. it might have been the year i learned most about myself. because i had opened up to someone, because that someone was reflecting things back – approval, disapproval, but overall, loyalty. i had always been okay with being who i was, but this made it more real. by getting to know raphael extremely well, i was getting to know myself extremely well.
1992 came. i was at raphael’s. it was february, the month of anja’s birthday. we decided to call her… and tape the conversation. i was kind of excited. i mean, here she was, actually someone who was friendly to raphael, actually friendliness was in her nature. and me, the outsider, but the one in love with her for over a year now. i was 14, raphael almost 17. he called her, taping the conversation. normal but pleasant small talk… and then, suddenly, she said that she had to go because her “boyfriend andreas” had just arrived. andreas? who the heck was andreas? i’ll get into that a little more when i write about anja, but it was a shock to me. and not totally unimportant to the future of my friendship to raphael.
this day was the beginning of the end of anja’s reigning in my little world. and the next girl i fell in love in was… yes, it was her younger sister imke. incredible, actually. raphael was in love with her, possibly even a little inspired by the fact that i was so faithful to the girls i liked. and here i was falling for the same girl. very cliché, and it happened. it took me quite a while to tell him, and when i did, he was shocked.
we went a month without talking to each other.
now this was significant. because it had become a little bit of a… well… sickness? we rode the same bus to school in the winter or biked to school in the summer; we would spend our breaks together; we would get home and sometimes call each other right away. there was certainly a dependence going on that bordered what you would call a healthy friendship. but who wants healthy in the teen years? it was kind of automatic, and it had been like that for quite a long time now.
and then this month.
of course it did not end our friendship. but it was the first sign of what was to come: we knew each other almost too well, and out of boredom maybe, or other reasons, we started getting on each others nerves. on purpose sometimes, others without thinking. but the fact was that we knew exactly how to hurt the other. and we would start making use of this from time to time. and communication interruptions were more and more frequent.
1992 came. i was at raphael’s. it was february, the month of anja’s birthday. we decided to call her… and tape the conversation. i was kind of excited. i mean, here she was, actually someone who was friendly to raphael, actually friendliness was in her nature. and me, the outsider, but the one in love with her for over a year now. i was 14, raphael almost 17. he called her, taping the conversation. normal but pleasant small talk… and then, suddenly, she said that she had to go because her “boyfriend andreas” had just arrived. andreas? who the heck was andreas? i’ll get into that a little more when i write about anja, but it was a shock to me. and not totally unimportant to the future of my friendship to raphael.
this day was the beginning of the end of anja’s reigning in my little world. and the next girl i fell in love in was… yes, it was her younger sister imke. incredible, actually. raphael was in love with her, possibly even a little inspired by the fact that i was so faithful to the girls i liked. and here i was falling for the same girl. very cliché, and it happened. it took me quite a while to tell him, and when i did, he was shocked.
we went a month without talking to each other.
now this was significant. because it had become a little bit of a… well… sickness? we rode the same bus to school in the winter or biked to school in the summer; we would spend our breaks together; we would get home and sometimes call each other right away. there was certainly a dependence going on that bordered what you would call a healthy friendship. but who wants healthy in the teen years? it was kind of automatic, and it had been like that for quite a long time now.
and then this month.
of course it did not end our friendship. but it was the first sign of what was to come: we knew each other almost too well, and out of boredom maybe, or other reasons, we started getting on each others nerves. on purpose sometimes, others without thinking. but the fact was that we knew exactly how to hurt the other. and we would start making use of this from time to time. and communication interruptions were more and more frequent.
1 comment:
wow... this is fascinating! My best friend (from 7th-end of high school) and I were "in love" with the same guy at least 3 times. The last time, when we were 16 was the worst because she had been talking to him, but then I met him & became interested and she -- even though she still liked him -- backed off (and later regretted). He was the first (and only until your cousin came along) requited "love" I had in my teenage years, but it was very platonic, mostly because I met him in October 88 & and in Feb. 89 his family moved away to Minas Gerais. Interestingly enough, he had German name ;) Kurt (Kaufmann).
Needless to say... I've never quite forgotten him/ what happened. And I was upset to find out that his marriage didn't work out, then he had a child with another girl, a mess!
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