final part.
although we were still very good friends, we started having these stupid little competitions, without even declaring it a competition. but God knows that sometimes, from bad comes good. one of those was kind of a mini-competition for the friendship of the new girl in “the block”. she had just moved to town; i’d met her in summer camp 1991, but i didn’t actually get to know her there. and now there she was, seemingly very unique and nice. i liked her right away, and raphael, too. and because he was less shy in nature, he actually got to talking to her first. but i am really proud to say that she is my friend until today, the best one at that. there will be a series of posts on inga bendig, for sure.
when time came for me to go to brazil in the summer of 1993, with the plan of staying at a boarding school for a full year to learn language and culture, raphael and me were at one of those points of our friendship where we wouldn’t have almost any contact. we were simply growing tired of getting on each other’s nerves, something that we would inevitably do. i never liked theses pauses too much, but since the summer of 92 i had gone back into the direction of being more social. not social in the kind of person who likes to hang out in big groups (which i will never like), but in the sense of having quite a few friendships i would describe as meaningful. at that time, mostly friends from my class in school were becoming closer and closer. not only jan bahtel, with whom i had an interesting connection right before going to brazil; or immo meyer-christian, with whom i played tennis a few times. but mostly christian bassen (postworthy) and the trio johannes scholz, thomas scholz and oliver dietze, with whom i went on a bike tour in the fall of 92. the imke issue was long over, too. a myth had been the queen of my heart (haha) for a full school year at the time i was leaving for brazil. and i had a very valuable friendship in its beginning stages: inga and i exchanged some letters, although we lived less than 1 km apart.
so i went to brazil without even saying goodbye to raphael, who had gone to spain. we know we still were friends, but this was definitely going to be a test. and it took quite long since we first exchanged letters. yes, good old letters. at that time, that was the way to communicate, and i guess i’m on of those who misses those days. in my first year in brazil, i wrote and received over a hundred letters. raphael’s first one came around my 16th birthday in november. typically, it was as if we had never ceased to communicate. and it went on in a high frequency until the summer of 94, when i was supposed to come back to germany. i had a lot to talk about, lots of stuff going on in brazil, while he had some very interesting things to say, some of them with people unknown to me; others, about people very familiar to me. one week, i got five letters from him; all talking about the newest development with a certain girl. you can say that we were back to being as good friends as in 91, distance had been good.
and although that was certainly true, i was sad to find out that i wouldn’t see raphael in my summer visit to germany. i had decided to complete high school in brazil, only to return to germany and finish up high school over there, too. the year in this now more familiar country had been to eventful to just say goodbye after a year, even though i never had a doubt in my mind that the place i wanted to live was germany. raphael had gone to spain, which was okay; but i did wish we’d had some time to talk face to face about the events in the letters. so i saw practically everyone i wanted to see, from school friends to church friends to michaela (as mentioned before); but i did not see the two people i had wanted to see the most: raphael and the myth. a story involving these two around christmas 93 will follow when i write about… the myth.
although less intense in terms of letter frequency, the second year in brazil still had quite a lot of stories – from here and from there – to be read. and there was an unpleasant surprise, presented in a pleasant way. you know, my older brother andre went to brazil in 92 and was supposed to stay for a year, but decided to finish high school and then go back to germany in december of 94. i had taken the same decision a year later. and my younger brother leo was supposed to come to brazil in 96, for the one year experience. but when he woke me up in rio, october of 94, i was very surprised to see him in brazil – out of nowhere. but he was there to tell me that my parents were moving to brazil in 95, and that he had arrived early for adaptation. i was very disappointed by that.
this changed my return to germany in the summer of 95 to the first of three visits i have been able to pay the country and its people up to now. i’m glad to visit again at the end of this year, by the way. now that my parents were in brazil, i made arrangements to stay at raphael’s. he himself was going through a similar experience that we were, as he had decided to go to boarding school in sagunto, near valencia, spain, to be in spain and learn spanish. when i arrived at his parent’s place, he was still in spain, and even though i was there, he prolonged his stay for another week. now, that disappointed me quite a lot. i mean, this guy is my best friend. he had spent his vacation of 94 in spain and i hadn’t seen him for two years, for that reason. now i was at his place, basically alone, and he was still there. i have to be honest, i started to doubt this friendship. after all, i wasn’t going to stay or come back in half a year, this was kind of my goodbye to germany. quite a lot was going on in my life, including the love life, and i hadn’t told him anything yet. it was a little frustrating, to say the least.
finally, raphael did arrive. and although he has spanish blood in his veins, he also has german blood, and this was the dominant side. meaning that it is very unusual for a german to express his positive feelings towards another person, be it through a hug or, even worse, through words. this might sound harsh, but i do believe it to be true. this is why i was very impacted by the statement he made the first day he arrived. that he still saw me as his best friend.
i mean, being a best friend is not that big a deal for a guy. sometimes you just know, but normally you don’t say it. and the situation was different: we were not to see each other frequently at all, ever, and i did make great friends in brazil, as he certainly did in spain. it caught me by surprise, and it took the frustration away. considering our history when i still lived in germany, this is something you would not expect raphael to say, or should i say, admit. as i mentioned, we were getting on each other’s nerves, showing how much we knew the other by hurting his feelings. this is not abnormal masculine behavior at all, but it went to far often enough in 92 and 93.
when my brother andre arrived, everything changed, though. andre and raphael had become friendly in the 93/94 winter (remember, they had been friends in the eighties, but then had some kind of stress); in this summer of 95, the roles seemed clear. raphael wanted to please andre, whom he’d always admired, and starting going back to the habit of getting on my back. but in my view, i had matured during the time in brazil. i wasn’t going back to that again, even less so after not seeing him for two years. i was really disappointed, sad is the word. not even mad. it was a sad situation. and it got worse.
until today i don’t know what happened exactly; i may have my theories, but i don’t know if they’re right. anyway, in those weeks, we went from his statement in day one to a very very lousy goodbye. “see you in two years maybe, whatever” he said and left.
it would be three years. no contact whatsoever. i saw him once, for five minutes in 98. and that was it.
as i said at the beginning of these posts about raphael: friendships might not be forever at all. i don’t know what the future holds. i got hold of his email recently and we’ve been in superficial contact. maybe the opportunity arises to talk to him in germany, this january. i guess i would like to. but it does seem that sometimes, some friendships change your life… and then life simply changes.
when time came for me to go to brazil in the summer of 1993, with the plan of staying at a boarding school for a full year to learn language and culture, raphael and me were at one of those points of our friendship where we wouldn’t have almost any contact. we were simply growing tired of getting on each other’s nerves, something that we would inevitably do. i never liked theses pauses too much, but since the summer of 92 i had gone back into the direction of being more social. not social in the kind of person who likes to hang out in big groups (which i will never like), but in the sense of having quite a few friendships i would describe as meaningful. at that time, mostly friends from my class in school were becoming closer and closer. not only jan bahtel, with whom i had an interesting connection right before going to brazil; or immo meyer-christian, with whom i played tennis a few times. but mostly christian bassen (postworthy) and the trio johannes scholz, thomas scholz and oliver dietze, with whom i went on a bike tour in the fall of 92. the imke issue was long over, too. a myth had been the queen of my heart (haha) for a full school year at the time i was leaving for brazil. and i had a very valuable friendship in its beginning stages: inga and i exchanged some letters, although we lived less than 1 km apart.
so i went to brazil without even saying goodbye to raphael, who had gone to spain. we know we still were friends, but this was definitely going to be a test. and it took quite long since we first exchanged letters. yes, good old letters. at that time, that was the way to communicate, and i guess i’m on of those who misses those days. in my first year in brazil, i wrote and received over a hundred letters. raphael’s first one came around my 16th birthday in november. typically, it was as if we had never ceased to communicate. and it went on in a high frequency until the summer of 94, when i was supposed to come back to germany. i had a lot to talk about, lots of stuff going on in brazil, while he had some very interesting things to say, some of them with people unknown to me; others, about people very familiar to me. one week, i got five letters from him; all talking about the newest development with a certain girl. you can say that we were back to being as good friends as in 91, distance had been good.
and although that was certainly true, i was sad to find out that i wouldn’t see raphael in my summer visit to germany. i had decided to complete high school in brazil, only to return to germany and finish up high school over there, too. the year in this now more familiar country had been to eventful to just say goodbye after a year, even though i never had a doubt in my mind that the place i wanted to live was germany. raphael had gone to spain, which was okay; but i did wish we’d had some time to talk face to face about the events in the letters. so i saw practically everyone i wanted to see, from school friends to church friends to michaela (as mentioned before); but i did not see the two people i had wanted to see the most: raphael and the myth. a story involving these two around christmas 93 will follow when i write about… the myth.
although less intense in terms of letter frequency, the second year in brazil still had quite a lot of stories – from here and from there – to be read. and there was an unpleasant surprise, presented in a pleasant way. you know, my older brother andre went to brazil in 92 and was supposed to stay for a year, but decided to finish high school and then go back to germany in december of 94. i had taken the same decision a year later. and my younger brother leo was supposed to come to brazil in 96, for the one year experience. but when he woke me up in rio, october of 94, i was very surprised to see him in brazil – out of nowhere. but he was there to tell me that my parents were moving to brazil in 95, and that he had arrived early for adaptation. i was very disappointed by that.
this changed my return to germany in the summer of 95 to the first of three visits i have been able to pay the country and its people up to now. i’m glad to visit again at the end of this year, by the way. now that my parents were in brazil, i made arrangements to stay at raphael’s. he himself was going through a similar experience that we were, as he had decided to go to boarding school in sagunto, near valencia, spain, to be in spain and learn spanish. when i arrived at his parent’s place, he was still in spain, and even though i was there, he prolonged his stay for another week. now, that disappointed me quite a lot. i mean, this guy is my best friend. he had spent his vacation of 94 in spain and i hadn’t seen him for two years, for that reason. now i was at his place, basically alone, and he was still there. i have to be honest, i started to doubt this friendship. after all, i wasn’t going to stay or come back in half a year, this was kind of my goodbye to germany. quite a lot was going on in my life, including the love life, and i hadn’t told him anything yet. it was a little frustrating, to say the least.
finally, raphael did arrive. and although he has spanish blood in his veins, he also has german blood, and this was the dominant side. meaning that it is very unusual for a german to express his positive feelings towards another person, be it through a hug or, even worse, through words. this might sound harsh, but i do believe it to be true. this is why i was very impacted by the statement he made the first day he arrived. that he still saw me as his best friend.
i mean, being a best friend is not that big a deal for a guy. sometimes you just know, but normally you don’t say it. and the situation was different: we were not to see each other frequently at all, ever, and i did make great friends in brazil, as he certainly did in spain. it caught me by surprise, and it took the frustration away. considering our history when i still lived in germany, this is something you would not expect raphael to say, or should i say, admit. as i mentioned, we were getting on each other’s nerves, showing how much we knew the other by hurting his feelings. this is not abnormal masculine behavior at all, but it went to far often enough in 92 and 93.
when my brother andre arrived, everything changed, though. andre and raphael had become friendly in the 93/94 winter (remember, they had been friends in the eighties, but then had some kind of stress); in this summer of 95, the roles seemed clear. raphael wanted to please andre, whom he’d always admired, and starting going back to the habit of getting on my back. but in my view, i had matured during the time in brazil. i wasn’t going back to that again, even less so after not seeing him for two years. i was really disappointed, sad is the word. not even mad. it was a sad situation. and it got worse.
until today i don’t know what happened exactly; i may have my theories, but i don’t know if they’re right. anyway, in those weeks, we went from his statement in day one to a very very lousy goodbye. “see you in two years maybe, whatever” he said and left.
it would be three years. no contact whatsoever. i saw him once, for five minutes in 98. and that was it.
as i said at the beginning of these posts about raphael: friendships might not be forever at all. i don’t know what the future holds. i got hold of his email recently and we’ve been in superficial contact. maybe the opportunity arises to talk to him in germany, this january. i guess i would like to. but it does seem that sometimes, some friendships change your life… and then life simply changes.
1 comment:
sua narrativa me lembra algum escritor, mas ainda não sei quem.
'a myth had been the queen of my heart (haha)' isso é tão você!
beijo
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