Friday, January 30, 2009

myth (iv) - six mythical episodes

i rarely saw eva tüting downtown lüneburg. the only place I would ever see her was at school. and I would make the most of it. as me, she would also take the bus in the winter, but ride a bike in the summer. sure enough, i rapidly found out which bike was hers, and i would always put mine only a row away from hers (there was quite a big bike parking lot at my school), sometimes even on the same row. after school, i would sometimes wait for her to go. our path “together” was only around 300 m, then she took a right, while i went straight ahead. approaching summer time, once again i saw her after school. she was wearing her famous blue dress with white flowers. and i made a decision… i would stalk her a little bit! i let her go a little but in front of me, then i left school to. i drove a little behind her, but always faster (i just wouldn’t slow down), so very soon i had passed her. i then slowed down a little, cycled another 1,5 km of her path, and waited for her at the corner of munstermannskamp and uelzener str. there, she took a right, and i watched her drive away. then i took a left and went home. that day, i drove a total of 9 km home, a full kilometer longer than normal. or, one can say, only one km longer. because it was totally worth it; the image of eva riding a bike, especially in that dress, with her dark blond reddish wusch hair in the wind, and the dress only showing her beautiful feet… it was so worth it that i repeated this quite a few times after that day. and i’m very sure she never noticed – they never did…
two years before this spring of 93, i had been in love with anja. i would see her in the city occasionally, so i was always alert to the possibility. but with eva, it never happened. i knew there was a possibility, after all she did go to the music school. but not on a day i would be there, seemingly. anyway, my heart almost stopped once, almost in the summer, when i spottet her in the grosse bäckerstrasse. i was on the way to saxophone class, and there she was – also in a typical outfit of hers, green jeans and a grey t-shirt. i had no reaction – i was late to class and almost walking away, but then i went back – and she had vanished, nowhere to be found. still, i remember that episode quite well.
in the beginning of the summer, i went to a concert where leo’s “ensemble of old music” performed. actually, it wasn’t leo’s, it was reinhard tüting’s, eva’s father and leo’s viola da gamba teacher. the performance was in kloster lüne, a very old and small chapel right outside of lüneburg, which belonged to a monastery complex. her hair was getting longer at that time, just beautiful and perfect hair, almost shoulder-long now. herr tüting even asked me to activate and deactivate the recorder, since they were taping the concert. so i sat in the first row, and even though i was so near, it was almost impossible to take my eyes off of her. fresh memories of the magical moments in the musikschule open day came alive, and the music – the music was wonderfully old, in this little, old chapel. memorable evening, to say the least. and at recess, i even mingled with the musicians (since leo was back there, at that time he was 13 years old) and saw her then. don’t quite remember what she was wearing, though. but still a magical memory.
finally, a few days later, we went to her city of deutsch-evern, where there would be a concert. now, i had been to deutsch-evern earlier that year to visit a school friend immo and play tennis with him. he and heidje, another school colleague, where next door neighbors, not too far away from where eva lived and her parents still live. i was very aware of the fact that i was in deutsch-evern, and was very alert – but i didn’t see eva. this time i would, for sure. and, there she was. black and white striped summer sweater, brownish jeans, lovely as ever, beautiful is not even word enough. this time, she had her hair tied up to a pony tail, a style that i had come to appreciate a lot since jana in 1990. i really can’t explain this infatuation i had for eva, but i’d never looked at anyone that way, and i never have since. meaning that this beauty, and this totally includes her way of being, behavior, smile… this beauty is something out of this world. i mean, i’m quite sure that even today i would find her to be a gorgeous woman… you never know, just a hinch.
in light of all that i have written about eva, this piece of story seems to me the most… i don’t know… mystical? no, but, really strange. as i think is clear, i never got to know eva, and she didn’t even know who i was. she studied in a class with bärchen, my first female best friend, and jana, my first adolescent love story (which will be told one of these days). they were best friends and, like me, christians in the adventist church. that year, although i was still 15, i would already attend the youth meetings of our church, and so would they. one day, though, i went to another town to listen to a speaker we all liked in our family; and i was very excited to go there. and it was great and memorable. the following week, i was back at our youth meetings, and i registered that they had taken the annual picture. a pity that i wasn’t on it, i thought. i looked at it… and, i swear, i can’t even describe the feeling. it was simply unbelievable: eva tüting was on the picture!!!! i wasn’t, but somehow she was!!! soon i found out that bärchen and jana had invited her and another friend, and they stayed the whole afternoon and evening. and i even had to hear marco telling me that she was really cute and that he talked to her for a while. marco and me weren’t big friends any more, and he knew nothing about eva – only raphael did. but it was even worse to know that she was noticed… after all, she belonged to my little world, and for some time now! this would have been a realistic and natural opportunity to get to know her – i mean, she knowing leo and me knowing her father and all, for sure we would have talked and maybe even been sympathetic. it was so damn frustrating to see that picture, it was a major blow. i even wrote to andre about it, he was in brazil (iasp) at that time. but, must i saw that she looked just like her? and that striped white and black sweater that she used a few months later in the deustch-evern concert, that’s the one on the picture. at that time, i would never dare to get to know someone in an unnatural way… but the fact that she was there, in my world, in the youth group, the only day i wasn’t… it’s a mystery!
fast forward to the summer, school vacations had arrived, and so had andre. we were walking at am sande when i spotted eva from quite far – she was wearing another one of her (for me) trade mark outfits – the blue jeans, blue jacket outfit. and walking away. one of her rare appearances in the city, and already at a time where school was out. this was the last time i saw her before going to brazil myself – for at least half a year, possibly a full year. and that moment was special, because on my return, we would have moved to berlin. this would maybe be the last time i would ever see her again, and at the time, i really believed that.

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